Your mentor(s) might be right under your nose
Lately I’ve been getting a lot of questions about how to “find” the right mentor. If you’ve also wondered this, I’d like to challenge you to reframe your thinking as,
How can I identify who my mentors are?
There are two mentors in my life that have disproportionally made the largest impact on my professional development. These are people who have gone out of their way to invest time and resources in me, yet the terms mentor/mentee have never even been exchanged in terms of labelling our relationship. Though I have been intentional about trying to find a mentor in the past, neither of these people were discovered through that process. Me coming into contact with each of them was an organic byproduct of some goal I was pursuing, the first one being a job, and the second one being a speaking engagement at a conference.
I’ve recently realized that in both of these instances, I was naive (for longer than I’d like to admit) about even recognizing that someone was taking me under their wing as a mentee. I think part of the reason for this is because these relationships developed over years, not days or weeks.
There’s nothing wrong with these unspoken arrangements except that in my case, I was so oblivious to them I didn’t put nearly enough energy back into the relationship.
Mentorship is a two-way street: if someone seems drawn towards mentoring you it’s likely because they feel like they can learn something from you. You probably inspire them in some way.
If I had been more aware that these people were actively giving of their time and energy because they truly believed in me, I could have done a much better job reciprocally investing my own time and energy into our relationship.
Now, as a mentor myself, I realize I could have been a much better mentee by checking in with them more often; sharing illuminating articles, ideas, questions, and small successes; calling out their work on social media; introducing them to new connections of mine that may be mutually beneficial; consciously remaining coachable and reporting back with feedback. Keeping the relationship alive from my end too, instead of them carrying the team!
I think one reason I didn’t do this, especially early in my career, is because I truly believed a lowly newbie like me didn’t have anything to offer to someone as successful as my mentors. I think I also felt if I were to update them about my small, petty life I would just be wasting their time.
Nothing could be farther from the truth. There is not a single person on earth that can’t learn something from you. More importantly, there is a reason someone chooses to spend their time giving to you without asking anything in return. They see that light that you have and they’re excited to see it grow!
So, are you in a de facto mentorship relationship?
This list helped me identify my true mentors.
- In a workplace context, a mentor is someone that advocates for your personal and professional development even if, and often in spite of the fact that it may lead to them losing you as an employee/volunteer etc. In the words of Noelle LaCharite: Be wary of when your employer clips your wings for their own personal or professional gain.* A true mentor actively does the opposite of clipping your wings. They help you strengthen your wings and they also fill your head with ideas of where you want to fly next.
- A mentor is someone that pushes you outside of your comfort zone in matters of personal/professional development. You CANNOT learn unless you are uncomfortable.
- A mentor uses their status to amplify your voice and advocate for you. One example: the other day an article about a very niche topic was posted on Linkedin that had some very obvious parallels to a talk I delivered about a year ago. A mentor of mine noticed the post and commented with the link to the video recording of my talk, letting everyone know they could use my talk as a further resource. A true mentor builds you up through seemingly small gestures like this.
Reflecting back on figures in my own life who played a pivotal role in my career progression helped unearth two mentors that went partially or wholly unnoticed by me. I am setting a goal to remain more mindful and present in various mentor and mentee roles I’ve found myself in.
Have you ever realized you were a mentor or mentee long after the fact? I’d love to hear about your experience. :)
*This can actually be a more ambiguous situation than it seems on the surface, because it can feel flattering to know that someone wants to keep you around. You do good work, and someone appreciates it — that feels good! If the situation seems blurry to you, ask yourself this: Is this person training you well enough so that you could leave, but treating me well enough so that I want to stay?
